I went to visit her to make one last effort towards her freedom.I put my right hand on the scanning screen and the guard behind the Plexiglas let me in themassive gray metal door. I walked down the long corridor to Holding Area 44. A female guard told me to wait in a small room for my cousin to come out.Lana had been incarcerated for more than three months now. I saw her coming down the hallway as I peeked from the doorway.
She had been such a voluptuous beautiful young woman. Now...she was skinny and lookedso worn down. She walked slowly with her hands zip tied infront of her. The dirty beige jump suit she had on made her look even worse. I stepped out...she gave me a half smile while asking the male guard,"May we go outside sir?" The guard was a large man...dressed in black with dark green straps on the shoulders ofhis shirt with brass medals pinned on them.
He smiled....patted her ass and said,"Yeah...you got 20 minutes." As we walked down the hall and out a door...I asked her,"What the hell was that.....why was he touching you in that way?" She gave me a hard look and said,"I gave him oral sex to get to be outside in the cross court." She walked a little in front of me andsaid,"I have three choices here,"Suck, get raped or die."
I felt sick when she said that....I wanted to vomit. She sat at a white painted picnic table and asked me if I would tie her hair back. She handed me a small piece of red yarn and I did it for her. Her brown hair that was once perfect....was now more like dried corn silk. As I tied her hair I said,"Lana...I pulled some strings...I can get you out of here if you just do what they say."
As I pulled the bow loops, she said,"We have been through this shit before Thomas...I told you on the phone...I can't give them what they want...it would be an insult and the worst kind of betrayal to those who have diedfor the cause." I finished tying her hair back and sat down facing her. I reached to hold her hands...grabbed them and she moaned in pain. I then saw they were both swollen at her wrists. I asked,"What the hell happened."
Tears welled in her eyes and she said,"They broke my hands when I refused to let them fingerprint me....I was raped four times the same night...they loved twisting my hands...making me cry in pain as they had their fun." Tears began welling in my eyes and I begged her,"Please Lana....you can be free today...you can walk out of here with me...please?" I looked in her eyes above the dark circles beneath and saw such determination as she said,"I am far more free than you my sweet cousin, Thomas.....you are in a far worse prison than I.....theprison of fear."
I stood up and said,"Dammit Lana....I had to conform for my wife and childrens sake....I warned you about writing thosearticles and attending those events!" She hung her head, saying,"Thomas, Thomas...don't you see...I am here because I believe in freedom...what future will you, your wife and children have without freedom?"
As she said that....the sun came out from behind a gray cloud and cast a shadow of the razor wire across my arms, Lana's left side and the white table top. I felt so ashamed of myself as I looked at her bruised and swollen wrists. I asked,"What can we do Lana....they have all the power?" She leaned forward and said,"They have nothing.....they can torture us, rape us and murder us but they can't touch the freedom of our thoughts...that's what they hate the most."
She smiled at me then, saying,"I'm not afraid Thomas...go on back to their world...it is their world you know....we only have a few moments left." She laid her hurting hands on top of mine and softly said,"I love you my sweet cousin...I love this country...the land, the people....all that we had and let slip through our fingers...I would rather die inhere than live in fear...I hope youcan someday understand what I mean."
The guard came to the doorway and snapped his fingers, shouting,"Times up trash!" As I walked beside her...my heart was breaking. She gave me a kisson the cheek and disappeared in the darkness of the dim lit hall way. I went straight to the Prison Commander's office and raised hell about how she was being treated. The Commander quietly listened to me and then leaned back in his black leather chair saying,"She has it easy compared to most...she is our little Soldiers of the Constitution celebrity."
He went on saying,"We give them copies of the old documentfor toilet paper...you can bitch allyou want...to whoever you want...it's been done a thousand times before....the fact remains...we do as we wish to the fucking terrorist insurgents."I shouted,"My cousin is not a terrorist!"
He just smiled and said,"Perhaps we should look further into yourbloodline....it is in the blood you know....I can make such recommendations.....go on back to your life sir....keep your mouth shut or we will open another trash can...
.if you know what I'm saying?" I turned and left without saying another word. I walked out of Lana's prison..... into mine
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